I Have a Confession
by Dana Hale
Summary: Based on episode 6x14 "The Road to Hell" What sin does Jamie feel the need to confess over and over to his priest?
1. Chapter 1

"Bless me father, I have sinned. It has been one week since my last confession."

To Father Quinn, Jamie sounded tired and down since last they spoke. "Are you still struggling with the same things we talked about last time, Jamie?"

"How'd you know?" Jamie sighed as he brought his head down and stared at his folded hands in his lap.

"Obviously this is something that is weighing heavy on your heart."

"I've tried. I really have. But I just can't get past these feelings I have for her. They're only getting stronger. I've been having these…dreams." Jamie admitted, hesitantly.

"Are these dreams…sexual in nature?" Father Quinn prodded.

"Yes." Jamie closed his eyes in guilt.

"And have you acted on these dreams?"

"No!" Jamie was quick to respond.

"Jamie, it's not a sin to have romantic feelings in your heart for someone when you're single and otherwise unattached."

"It is when she's your partner in the NYPD."

"In the eyes of the NYPD, maybe. But not God's."

"Father, I just don't know what to do. I can't imagine not being partnered with her. I don't want to lose that. I like spending the majority of my day with her, and I want to be the one that has her back, to be there to protect her. If she were partnered with someone else, I'd worry too much."

"You would rather be professionally partnered with her than to have a real future with her, being partnered with her in the most intimate way possible, as husband and wife, sharing life together and building a family?"

"I want both, but I know that's not possible."

"Do you know what she wants? Does she return these feelings?"

Jamie thought back on all the times he would catch that fleeting but flirty glint in her eyes, and that time he caught her being jealous when he went out on a date with Jen, and of course, the passion he felt from her after they kissed that one time. "I think there's something there, but I'm not sure she's struggling with it like I am."

"You must find out for sure. You must confess to her how you feel."

"What if I do that, and it backfires. I could lose our friendship and it would make things awkward with work."

"What if it doesn't backfire, and it ends up being the best thing to happen in your life."

Jamie was quiet as he contemplated this.

"Jamie, this is weighing so heavy on your heart because you have not been truthful to yourself, to your Sergeant, or to Eddie. If you are uncomfortable with all this indecision in your life right now, perhaps it is God calling you out on it and guiding you to make the right decision. Follow along, and follow your heart."

"Yes Father."

"Now go in peace."

Jamie walked down the church steps and back to the RMP. When he opened the driver-side door and climbed in, Eddie had her earbuds in listening to music on her iPhone. She had her eyes closed as she belted out the chorus of "Girls Just Want to Have Fun." She was so into it, she had no clue that he had returned back to the car.

She really did have a good singing voice, but he wondered why she was singing that song in particular. He laughed and bumped her in the arm. "Hey! I'm back."

Eddie jumped at his touch and was completely embarrassed as she pulled the earbuds out of her ears and immediately stopped singing. She looked like she got caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

"What's with the Cyndi Lauper song?" he asked, amused.

"Oh. Uh…." Eddie sat up straight and cleared her throat. "I, uh, I'm entered in this karaoke contest at the bar tonight. It's 80's night. Just brushing up on some of the music. When they call you up on stage, they pick the song for you to sing, so you never know what you're gonna get."

"Yeah? What's the prize if you win?"

"Nothing really, just bragging rights."

"Hmmm. Mind if I come and watch?"

"Oh please don't!" she exclaimed as she tucked her phone away, still embarrassed about the whole thing.

"Great! I'll be there!" he grinned.

Eddie rolled her eyes at him. "So!" she changed the subject. "How did confession go? Feeling better now that you've confessed your sin that you keep having to ask forgiveness for?"

"Maybe," he answered cryptically.

"Eagle Scout," she teased.

"Valley Girl," he teased back with a smile.


	2. Chapter 2

Jamie and Eddie sat together at a table for two near the stage, watching their colleagues make complete fools of themselves singing horrible songs from the 80's like 'Never Gonna Give you Up' and 'We Built This City'.

"Man, I hope I get something better than that," Eddie said loudly to Jamie over the noise of the music.

"Well I know you're a way better singer than that," Jamie cringed, as the audience started booing and throwing peanuts at the current contestant. "I'd say this contest is already won by the wonderfully talented Officer Janko."

The song finally ended, putting everyone including the singer out of their misery.

"Okay, up next- our last contestant! Officer Eddie Janko from the 12th!" the announcer shouted out.

"Crap," Eddie said under her breath. She took one last swig of her beer before making her way to the stage as the crowd applauded her. Jamie whistled really loud for her and she turned around to admonish him for it with a playful look to shush him.

"You get to choose between these two songs…" the announcer spoke into the microphone. "…'Like a Virgin'…"

Eddie looked to Jamie with a horrified expression. All Jamie could do was laugh and shake his head. The audience egged her on to pick that one.

"….or 'Livin' on Prayer'."

"Bon Jovi it is!" Eddie decided, much to the disappointment of the audience. Jamie sat back and couldn't wait to see how she was going to pull this one off.

Right after singing the first phrase of the first verse, she quickly won the audience over and knew she made the right song choice. She grabbed everyone's attention and handled the vocals like a rock star. By the time the chorus came around for the last time ramped up with a higher key change, most everyone was drunkenly belting out the words with her, rocking out the place just as if everyone were at an arena concert. Jamie just sat in amazement enjoying the way she moved and sounded on the stage.

When the song ended, cheers and whistles followed as she was immediately announced the winner.

She returned to her table with Jamie after the crowd simmered down. "Damn, Janko!" Jamie exclaimed with a huge smile. He didn't have any other words to describe how awestruck he was. That, and he certainly didn't want to give away how turned on he was, too.

"Oh, now stop," she brushed it off, happy that she won but not wanting to make a big deal about it.

"I knew you were good, but that was…that was…." he still couldn't find the right way to tell her how amazing he thought she sounded.

"Not another word, Reagan!" she joked with him. She entered the competition just to have a little fun and wasn't expecting to be showered with all this attention.

"No, no! I mean it! I'm very impressed! And where'd you learn how to work a crowd like that? You had everyone in the palm of your hand!"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I guess I'm just irresistible is all!" She collapsed in her chair with a smirk on her face and grabbed her beer to guzzle down what was left of it.

Jamie played it cool and rolled his eyes at her, but she had no idea how true that statement was for him. And then he spaced out, remembering Father Quinn's words… _you're not being truthful to yourself or to Eddie…_

Eddie noticed the change in him. "Hey, what's wrong? Oh, shoot. I knew it. I picked the wrong song. Admit it- you wished I would have picked 'Like a Virgin' and rolled around on stage in a lacy negligee."

He jumped back to attention and nervously looked at her and swallowed. "What? No!" his voice squeaked out the polite thing to say while his mind did the complete opposite and conjured up the suggestive images. Great. Now he knew what he'd be dreaming about again tonight.

Eddie giggled at how she was able to make him squirm. "I'm just kidding, Reagan!"

"Uh huh," Jamie recovered behind a sip of his beer. "Hey, do you mind if we get out of here? Find someplace quieter? I need to talk to you about something."

Eddie's stomach flip flopped, wondering why he was sounding so serious all of the sudden. "Yeah," she answered, curious. "Okay."


	3. Chapter 3

Eddie twisted the key in the door to her place and invited Jamie in. "Sorry, I didn't know I was going to have company. I haven't cleaned up my mess from last night."

Jamie looked around and noticed the open pizza box on the table in front of the TV where two forgotten stale pieces of supreme pizza were left, now as hard as the cardboard they were stuck to. Next to that was an empty carton of Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey with the dirty spoon still resting at the soggy bottom. He picked up the DVD case that was lying on the table and read the title aloud. "The Little Mermaid?" he smirked.

Just when he was about to make a smart comment, Eddie grimaced in horror and quickly snatched it out of his hands. She stealthily tucked it under the couch cushions and sat down on top of it so he couldn't get to it. "You never saw that. And if you ever bring it up again, I will shoot you."

Jamie smiled adoringly at her as he took a seat on the couch next to her. "You really know how to throw yourself a Disney princess party!"

"I mean it, Jamie!" she warned, but her threat fell flat as she couldn't help but smile back at him now that she had been caught with her guilty pleasure. Even she could admit to herself that it was a bit silly.

"I bet you even sing along to all the songs," he continued to tease.

"OK, enough!" she yelled back, giving him a playful push that sent him sinking back farther into the cushions.

He sat up straight and eyed her carefully and then realized he hit the nail on the head. "Oh my God, you do sing along to all the songs!"

Eddie giggled and then all of the sudden grew quiet, staring into Jamie's eyes. Jamie could see she was thinking something over, and just when he was about to ask her what she was thinking about, she turned to grab her favorite couch pillow from behind her and hugged it to her for support. She cleared her throat, looked Jamie right it the eye with a serious expression, and started softly singing a line from one of her favorite Little Mermaid songs:

" _Yes you want her, look at her you know you do, possible she wants you too, there is one way to ask her. It don't take a word, not a single word, go on and kiss the girl."_

Jamie was stunned. Eddie shyly smiled back at him when she saw the change of expression on his face as he realized that she wasn't just singing a Disney song to prove his statement. She was sending him a real message.

"Eddie…I…" He was at a loss for words and it frustrated him that he couldn't speak up. Isn't this why he came here? To talk to her about the possibility of something more between them? And now here she was doing the confessing for him.

Eddie took his hands in hers. "I'm tired of fighting my feelings. Aren't you? I feel like I've been waiting FOREVER for you to crack." she admitted.

"You knew? You knew that this is what I wanted to talk about." His heart rate sped up as he stared at their joined hands.

"I was hoping. I've been hoping for a long time."

"I didn't know you felt that way...the same way that I do. But what about-"

"Our partnership?" she guessed. "That's what's holding you back, isn't it?"

"Well, yeah..."

"It's been three years, Jamie. We've been lucky to be able to work together for that long. Our partnership has been rewarding and fun and wonderful- well okay, maybe not ALL wonderful- but you got my back and I got yours, and we're the best team. But that's just at work _._ Think of how we could be outside of work. We are missing out on so much more and I feel like we're wasting time."

"So what are you saying?"

"I think this thing we have between us is worth breaking up our partnership for and seeing what it leads to. Because I think it leads to something amazing. I'm ready. And if you aren't, then I guess-"

By taking a cue from the song lyrics she had sung to him, he cut her off quickly by grabbing her face in his hands and kissing her soundly. It was desperate at first, because he didn't want her to think he wasn't ready. Now that he knew for certain that she wanted it too, he realized he was very ready. But then the kiss fell into a tenderness that became his answer for letting her know just how much he loved her.

And suddenly, just like that, the decision was made, and Jamie knew with all his heart that it was so very right.


End file.
